Morgenstern looked up at Jon's taut-muscled body as the lusty young writer started his first thrust -- but with less than an inch inside, Jon stopped and held himself perfectly still. "What's the matter?" Morganstern asked. "Short fuze," Jon said. "Afraid I'll shoot too soon."
"May I make a few suggestions?" asked Morgenstern.
"Sure," said Jon. "Go ahead."
"Instead of putting your reply in the same paragraph as my question, the way you just did in the first paragraph of this story, start a new paragraph for every change in who's talking, as I'm doing now."
"Uh - why?
Morgenstern said, "It makes it lots easier for the reader to tell who's saying what. Like -- in that first paragraph, the reader's not quite sure who said that he's afraid of shooting too soon. Also, it makes for short paragraphs, which are easier to read than screens full of unbroken type, and indenting each paragraph makes the story easier to read too. And since that's the way almost all fiction is written, it's what the reader expects -- and you don't want to distract the reader from what we're doing Right Now."
"Okay; what else?"
"When you ask a question in dialog, put the question mark or exclamation point inside the quote marks, and when you do, you don't need a comma too. Like this: see?"
"Oh." Jon took a deep breath, went another inch deeper. "And -- did you say you had more suggestions?"
"Yup." Morgenstern met Jon's next thrust with a wiggle and a squirm. "When you have a bit of dialog that doesn't end with a question mark or exclamation point, and is followed by `he said' -- or `he asked' or `he replied' -- then use a comma -- inside the quotation marks -- like this,'' said Morgenstern. ``Use a period -- inside the quote marks -- only when you don't have a `he said' -- or `asked' or the like following the quote marks."
Jon said, as he cautiously began another thrust, "Oh. I think I understand."
"Three more things: Don't feel that you have to reach for substitutes for `said' for your speech tags -- using `observed' or `expounded' or `intoned' is far more distracting than the simple `he said,' with an occasional `he replied' or -- for questions, `he asked.' Use `whispered' or `growled' very sparingly, and only when you're givig the reader additional information that the context doesn't already make clear."
"And the other two things?" Jon asked. He was breathing harder now, and going deeper with every stroke.
"One way to break up the monotony of `he said' `he said' `he said' is to leave off the speech tag entirely -- but only when it's perfectly obvious who's speaking. With just the two of us, and you asking questions and me answering them, we can go for about several paragraphs without confusing the reader. With ordinary conversation and only two speakers, it's best to identify a speaker every third paragraph. And -- always make it clear which `he' you mean.
"And if one of us talks for more than one paragraph at a time -- as I'm doing now -- leave off the end-of-paragraph quote marks until the last paragraph of that speech," Morganstern said as he locked his legs around Jon's waist. "You still need opening quotes at the start of every paragraph of a multi-paragraph speech like this one.
"The other way to break up that monotony -- and remember that the reader isn't really going to notice so long as the rest of the story is interesting -- is what we're doing right here." Morgenstern felt Jon's muscles tighten, felt him go in to the hilt with every stroke. "In the same paragraph with a within-quotes speech, step out of the quoted part and put in something -- like me getting turned by feeling that you're getting close -- and advances the plot at the same time that the writer establishes who is saying what is inside of the quote marks."
"Yeah? Well, I think this is a really weird time to make with a grammar lesson. Hey! I even noticed how you're using single quotes inside the double-quote marks without you telling me."
Morgenstern felt a grin spread across his face. "Well, it kept you cooled down, didn't it? Instead of going off too soon, the way young studs like you usually do when they're riding a sexy hunk like me, you've been riding me for -- Hey! Slow down; you're almost there!"
"Yeah -- I -- noticed," Jon gasped, went rigid, then slowly, slowly relaxed. "I was humping along okay until you reminded me just what we're doing, and all of a sudden it was too late to stop." He panted for a moment, then said, "I bet you couldn't give a lesson like that with you on top."
"I can so! Where's my shirt? I always carry some in my pocket, and I gotta put one on before we . . ."
"Don't worry -- I got a supply in my bureau. Let me see." Jon straightened his arms, looked down at their still-linked bodies, and said, "Yeah -- as thick as you are, `extra large' oughta be just big enough."
The author permits archiving, posting, reposting, and reproduction in fixed form, free or for profit, of this story. Copyright © by Felix Lance Falkon, owlswick@netaxs.com. This work is not suitable for minors.