“Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. Depression is humiliating. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life. It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too.
Depression is humiliating. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.”
1 *JAGER BOMB* boil 1 cup red bull (in place of water), add black cherry or orange jello, 1 cups jager.
2 *MARGARITA* boil 1 cup water, add 3 oz pkg lime jello, 4 oz tequila, 4 oz sweet & sour margarita mix. sprinkle with salt just before firm.
(substitue watermelon jello for lime for a melon margarita)
3 *RUM & COKE boil 1 cups coke, mix in dark cherry jello add 1 cups light rum
4 *MIMOSAS* this one varies from the normal method Since champagne isn’t as strong as liquor, cut the water out of this one. boil one cup champagne, mix orange jello 2 min, add one more cup champagne and a splash of OJ.
5 *SILK* Boil one cup champagne, mix in jello for 2 minutes, add one cup champagne and splash of lychee juice from the can.
6 *ORANGE TIC TAC* Boil two cups red bull, mix jello two minutes, add two cups mandarin orange vodka
7 *LEMON DROP* (boil 1 cup water, add lemon jello, citrus vodka, top with sugar sprinkles just before its fully set up)
8 *GRAPE CRUSH* (boil 1 cups water, add grape jello, 1/2 cup plain vodka, 1/2 cup chambord)
9 *HAWAIIAN* (boil 1 cup water, add pineapple or blueberry jello, 1 cup coconut rum)
10 *GIN & TONIC* (boil 1 cup tonic water, add lime jello, 1 cup gin)
11 *LEMON LIME* (boil 2 cups sprite, add lemon and lime jellos, 2 cups citrus vodka)
12 *BLUEBERRY* (boil 1 cup water, add blueberry jello, 1 cup blueberry vodka)
13 *FRUIT PUNCH* (boil 1 cups water, add mixed fruit jello, 1/2 cup blueberry vodka, 1/2 cup raspberry vodka)
14 *WATERMELON* (boil 1 cup water, add watermelon jello,1 cup watermelon vodka)
15 *BEER* (boil 1 cups water, add strawberry jello, add 1 cup any malt liquor)
16 *CARIBBEAN* (boil 1 cup water, add strawberry-banana jello, Cruzan banana rum
17 *CHERRY COLA* (boil 1 cup coke, add cherry jello, 1 cup cold cola, 1/2 cup amaretto, 1/2 cup spiced rum)
18 *DREAMSICLE* (boil 1 1/3 cup water & 2/3 cup OJ, add orange jello, 1 cup vanilla vodka 1/2 cup raspberry or berry vodka, 1/2 cup KeKe Beach Key Lime Cream Liqueur)
19 *LIME IN THE COCONUT* (boil 1 cup water, add watermelon jello, 1 cup Malibu Coconut Rum)
20 *RED HOTS* (boil 2 cups water, add jello, 1/2 cup cold water, 2 cups Cinnamon Schnapps)
21 **SEX ON THE BEACH** boil 1 cup cranberry juice, add 3 oz pkg orange jello, 3 oz peach schnapps, 5 oz vodka
22 ***SOUR APPLE*** (in microwavable container, mix 1 small box sour apple jello, 1 pkg knox gelatin and 1 tbs sugar. Stir in 1 cup Mt. Dew and mix well. Microwave on high for 1 min. Stir until powder is dissolved. Mix 2 cups vodka & 3/4 cup Captain Morgan Coconut Rum. mix well and let sit 1 min. pour into cups and refrigerate.)
23 *SQUIRM* (boil 2 1/4 cup water, add 3 small pkgs any flavor jello, 2 cups vodka, 3/4 cup ice cold water. add 1 gummy worm to each shot before firm.
24 *CARIBOU LOU* (1/2 cup boiling water 1/2 cup pineapple juice boiled, add pineapple jello, 1/2 cup Malibu Rum, 1/2 cup Triplesec)
25 *JOLLY RANCHER* (boil 1 cup water, add melon jello, 1/2 cup vodka, 1/2 cup apple pucker)
26 *PURPLE PEOPLE EATER* (boil 1 cup water, add grape jello, 1/2 cup vodka, 1/2 cup watermelon pucker)
27 *BAHAMA MAMA* (boil 1 cup water, add watermelon jello, 1/2 cup Malibu rum, 1/2 cup peach schnapps)
28 *COSMOPOLITAN* (boil 1 cup water with a splash of lime juice, add cranberry jello, 1/2 cup vodka, 1/2 cup triple sec)
29 *CHERRY BOMB* (boil 1 cup redbull, add cherry jello, 1 cup vodka and drop in one maraschino cherry, step up before firmed.)
30 *BLUE FIRECRACKER* (boil 1 cup water, add berry blue jello, 1/2 cup vodka, 1/2 cup peach schnapps)
31 *WHITE LIGHTNING* (boil 1 cup water, add pina colada jello, 1/2 cup vodka, 1/2 cup triple sec)
32*FUZZY NAVEL* (boil 1 cup water, add 3 oz orange jello, 2 oz vodka, 6 oz peach schnapps
33 *RED HEADED SLUT* boil 1 cup water, add cranberry jello, 1/2 cup peach schnapps, 1/2 cup jager
34 *MOJITO* (1 cup boiling water, 3 oz box lime jello, 6 oz white rum, 2 oz cold water. top with mint leaves chopped and crushed. (or substitue mint leaves with a splash of mint extract in the the boiling water.)
35 *STRAWBERRY DAQUIRI* (boil 1 cup water, add 3 oz package wild strawberry jello, 6 oz white rum, 1 oz sweet & sour or margarita mix.
36 *DEVILS KISS* 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 envelope of Knox Gelatin and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/4 cup of cold water, 1/2 cup of Goldschlager, and 1/4 cup of Bacardi-151. Stir well and wait until the liquid has cooled before pouring into jello shot cups. if you double up the Knox Gelatin in this one you can eliminate the cup serve these up as jigglers!!
37 *ANKLE BREAKER* 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 envelope of Lime Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of cold water, 1/4 cup of 151 Rum, and 1/4 cup of Cherry Brandy. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
38 *FIRECRACKER 2* 3/4 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Orange Jello and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/4 cup of cold water, 1/3 cup of Sloe Gin , and 1/3 cup of Spiced Rum and 1/3 cup of 151 Rum. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cup
39 **KOMANIWANALAYA** 2 cups of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Pineapple Jello and 1 box of Cranberry Jello (both 3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1 cup of cold water, 1/2 cup of Amaretto, and 1/2 cup of 151 Rum. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
40 *RAIN MAIN* 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Orange Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/4 cup of cold water, 1/2 cup of Bacardi 151, and 1/4 cup of Melon Liqueur. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups
41 ADAM AND EVE 3/4 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Lemon Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of cold water, 1/4 cup of Brandy, and 1/4 cup of Pomogranate Liqueur and 1/4 cup of Gin. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
42 ALABAMA SLAMMER 3/4 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 package of Lemon Jello (3 oz) and stir until everything is completely dissolved and then add 1/3 cup of coldwater. Next, add 1/3 cup of Amaretto, 1/4 cup of Southern Comfort, and 1/3 cup of Sloe Gin. Mix throuroughly until everything is well combined and the carefully pour into jello shot cups. Chill for 3 to 4 hours and serve.
43 ALL NIGHTER 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Cherry Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of cold water and 1/2 cup of Watermelon Vodka. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
44 APPLE PIE 1 1/2 cups ofboiling water. Dissolve 2 boxes of Lemon Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1 cup of cold water, 1/2 cup of Light Rum, 1/2 cup of Sweet Vermouth, 1/4 cup of Apple Brandy and 1/4 cup ofGrenadine. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
45 BANANA BOAT 1 cup of water. Dissolve 1 box of Pineapple Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of cold water, 1/4 cup of Coconut Rum , and 1/4 cup ofBanana Liqueur. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
46 BANANA SPLIT 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Strawberry Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/4 cup of cold water, 1/4 cup of Vodka, and 1/4 cup ofBanana Liqueur and 1/4 cup of Creme de Cacao. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
47 BAT OUT OF HELL 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 package of Orange Jello (3 oz) and stir for at least 2 minutes until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of Red Bull, 1/4 cup of Rumand 1/4 Blue Curacao. Stir until well combined and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
48 BERMUDA TRIANGLE 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Orange Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of cold water, 1/4 cup of Spiced Rum and 1/4 cup of Peach Schnapps. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot
49 BLACK CAT 1 cup of boilingwater. Dissolve 1 package of Raspberry Jello (3 oz) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/4 cup of cold water, 1/2 cup of Black Vodka, and 1/4 cup of Chambord. Stir well and wait until the liquid is about room temperature before pouring into jello shot cups.
50 BLACK WIDOW 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 package of Grape Jello (3 oz) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/4 cup of cold water, 3/4 cup of Blackberry Vodka and 1/8 teaspoon of Ginger Powder. Stir well and cool slightly before pouring into jello shot cups. For a schnazzy garnish, drop a singleblackberry in each cup before chilling
51 COUGH DROP 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 3 oz package of Strawberry Jello and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of cold water, 1/2 cup of Jagermeister. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
52 CRYPTINI 1 cup of HotCoffee. Dissolve 1 envelope of Knox Gelatin and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/3 cup of Iced Coffee, 1/3 cup of Vodka, and 1/3 cup of Kahlua. Stir well and wait until the liquid has cooled before pouring into jello shot cups.
53 FRENCH TICKLER 1 cup of boilingwater. Dissolve 1 package of Orange Jello (3 oz) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/4 cup of cold water, 1/4 cup of Cinnamon Schnappsand 1/2 cup of Vodka. Stir well and wait until the liquid has a chance to cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
54 HARVEY WALLBANGER 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 package of Orange Jello (3 oz) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/4 cup of cold water, 1/2 cup of Vodka and 1/4 cup ofGalliano. Stir well until completely combined and wait until the liquid has cooled before pouring into jello shot cups.
55 JUICY FRUIT 3/4 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Pineapple Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/4 cup of cold water, 1/3 cup of Vodka, and 1/3 cup ofMelon Liqueur and 1/3 cup of Peach Schnapps. Stir well and cool
56 JAGERMASTER 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Orange Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of cold water, 1/4 cup of Jagermeister, and 1/4 cup of Amaretto, and a just a splash of Grenadine. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
57 JAGERMONSTER 1 cup of boiling water . Dissolve 1 package of Orange Jello and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/4 cup of cold water , 1/2 cup of Jagermeister, and 1/4 cup of Grenadine. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
58 LETHAL INJECTION 2 cups of boiling water. Dissolve 1 package of Orange Jello (3 oz) and 1 package ofPineapple Jello (3 oz) and stir at least 2 minutes until completely dissolved. Add 1 cup of cold water followed by 1/4 cup of Amaretto, 1/4 cup of Coconut Rum, 1/4 cup of Dark Rum and 1/4 cup of Spiced Rum. Stir well and wait until the liquid has cooled before pouring intojello shot cups.
59 LONG ISLAND ICED TEA and measure 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 2 packages of Lemon Jello (3 oz) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of Cola and 1/2 cup of cold water. Now get ready to add the alcohol – 1/2 cup of Gin, 1/2 cup of LightRum, 1/2 cup of Vodka and 1/2 cup of Tequila. Stir until everything is well combined and let it cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
60 NINJA TURTLE 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Orange Jello and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of cold water, 1/4 cup of Gin, and 1/4 cup of Blue Curacao. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
61 PAIN KILLER 3/4 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Pineapple Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/4 cup of cold water, 1/3 cup of Dark Rum, 1/3 cup ofCoconut Rum and 1/3 cup of Orange Liqueur. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
62 PIXIE STIX 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Lemon Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of cold water, 1/4 cup of Southern Comfort, and 1/4 cup of Blackberry Brandy. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
63 RED SILK PANTIES 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Cranberry Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of cold water, 1/4 cup of Vodka, and 1/4 cup ofPeach Schnapps. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
64 KINKY MALIBU BARBIE Boil 1 cup water, add peach jello, 1/2 cup Kinky Liquer, 1/2 cup Malibu Coconut Rum.
65 Killer Kool Aid 1 1/2 cups of boiling water. Dissolve 2 boxes of Cranberry Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 3/4 cup of cold water, 1/2 cup of Vodka, 1/2 cup of Gin, 1/4 cup of Rum, 1/4 cup of Chambord and 1/4 cup of Triple Sec. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
66 Broken Heart 1 cup of boiling water . Dissolve 1 package of of Orange Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of cold water, 1/4 cup of Vodka, and 1/4 cup of Chambord. Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
67 SCOOBY SNACKS 1 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 1 box of Pineapple Jello (3 oz size) and stir until fully dissolved. Add 1/2 cup of cold water, 1/4 cup of Melon Liqueur, and 1/4 cup of Coconut Rum . Stir well and cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
68 TIJUANA TAXI 2 cup of boiling water. Dissolve 2 packages ofLemon Jello (3 oz size) and stir at least 2 minutes until fully dissolved.Next, add 1 cup of cold water, 1/2 cup of Tequila, 1/4 cup of Blue Caracao and 1/4 cup of Tropical Fruit Schnapps. Stir until completely combined and give it a chance to cool before pouring into jello shot cups.
69 RUMMY BEARS 1 cup boiling water, add any random flavor jello and 1 cup berry vodka, 1 gummy bear in the center of each shot.
70 WOOWOO 2 cups boiling water, add 3 pkgs grape jello, 3 pkgs cranberry/raspberry jello, 3 pkgs strawberry jello, 3 cups vodka, 3 cups peach schnapps, 1 can grape juice concentrate and 1 can cran-raspberry juice concentrate (both undiluted!)
PLEASE drink responsibly! ♥ Becky
Coming in like a lion:
I can’t tell you how much I love this picture, mane streaming in the wind.
And here are two women in bird heads sharing a joke or something.
Isn’t it odd, a little macabre, even?
Easter is almost here, I got Katie enough candy to keep her on the ceiling for days. You’re welcome, son.
Here she is with her daycare buddy.
Isn’t Katie adorable? I just bought her some sparkle converse high tops.
I have flowers and trees and things but will save that for another night.
Here’s a butterfly for you. Pretty! I painted it on DrawQuest recently, a fun new iPad drawing game. I do that instead of blogging these days, I guess.
And my ATF reddit picture:
We wax, we wane. It’s the dance of life. Every living thing is a pulse. We quicken, then we fade.
I wanted to take a picture on my iPhone of 12:12 on 12-12-12 and I got it out at 12:08 and then promptly forgot about it when something shiny went by.
So, because I didn’t get to write it anywhere else today,
Next time will be in 2112, which seems even more auspicious but I don’t suppose I’ll see that one.
That is all.
Once again, hats off to Your Neighborhood Librarian for this very fine Advil calendar.
Also, why is it that every single librarian I know is such a fun writer? I must have missed something about librarians (probably a lot, really) back in school. My stepson wanted to be a librarian, but I think the tedium of the old-style searching and foot-noting is killing his desire. Now I wonder if he’s secretly funny and I haven’t been paying attention. Good God.
Saturday, December 8: La Fée Parisienne Absinthe
Welcome to Strange Drink Saturday! And what’s weirder than absinthe, aka the green fairy, the least palatable liquor I know?
3 parts chartreuse
3 parts absinthe
1 part green curacao
Build in highball glass. Stir and fill up with ice cold milk. Marvel at its creepy cloudiness, then throw it out and make…
1 1/2 oz. Gin
1/4 oz. Absinthe
Frappe in a highball glass.
Sunday, December 9: Porfidio Anejo
Tequila Sunday! Shake your butt! This is the closest I will come to a chocolate cocktail. It is black as my black Scroogeriffic heart, and strong, and strange.
Ashes to Ashes
1 1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. Pedro Ximenez Sherry
1 oz. Lemon Juice
1 tsp. Sweetened Cocoa Mix
1/4 oz. Agave Nectar
1 pinch Ground Cinnamon
Place all ingredients in a mixing glass, fill with ice, cover and shake well for 10 seconds. Strain up into a cocktail glass. Garnish with cinnamon dust.
Monday December 10: Johnny Drum Green Label Bourbon
Monday is a good day to make like a Mad Man and drink a Manhattan .
Take 1 part bourbon and 1 part sweet Vermouth; stir. Add a dash of bitters and ice. Shake and strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with a cherry.
Tuesday, December 11: Roberto Cavalli Vodka
I read this thing about Cavalli and his family in W this past month, and the article sure made him seem like a tiny overtanned Italian id monster, a big granddaddy baby who buys his granddaughter marabou-trimmed plastic Barbie mules and demands everyone’s attention ALL THE TIME. A real Saturday night kind of guy. Look at him up there, with his models and his cigar. He’s like Christmas with a job. This recipe, needless to say, is from the vodka’s website. Note ALL CAPS. DRINK IN MY SPICY SUGARY OVERINDULGENCE, DARLING.
50 ml ROBERTO CAVALLI VODKA
7.5 ml CAMPARI
6-8 FRESH RASPBERRIES
5 ml VANILLA SUGAR FLAVORED WITH CHILI PEPPER
1 SPLASH OF GRAND MARNIER FLAMBE
Wednesday, December 12: Zwack Unicum Liqueur 80 Proof
We actually own a bottle of Zwack (it’s Hungarian!), and my husband invents all kinds of drinks to mix it into. His Zwackhattan was really nice. But then again, my husband also mixed Pastis with eggnog one afternoon, so I’ll give you a perfect Sunday recipe from the experts.
1 1/2 tablespoons Zwack
1/2 cup tomato juice
2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
Tabasco sauce to taste
Worcestershire sauce to taste
1 teaspoon horseradish
Salt and pepper to taste
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
In a cocktail shaker, combine Zwack, tomato juice, lemon juice, Tabasco, Worcestershire, salt, pepper and one cup of ice cubes. Shake mixture vigorously then strain it into an ice cube filled glass rimmed in salt and lemon juice. Garnish with a carrot stick and serve.
Thursday, December 13: Lagavulin 16 year
It’s Thursday, drink a glass of Scotch. If you need to mix it (not the Lagavulin, you fool! Some other, crappier Scotch!), try Le Pere-Bis:
1½ parts Scotch
½ part St-Germain
1 bar spoon Honey
4 parts Hot Chamomile Tea
Add all ingredients to a Hot Toddy glass. Garnish with a clove-studded lemon wedge.
Friday, December 14: Sailor Jerry
I’ve never tried this Sailor Jerry rum. Looks a little gimmicky to me, named as it is after, and relentlessly identified with, “a prominent American tattoo artist”. (Please. I have four tattoos, good-sized ones, and even I wouldn’t call any tattoo artist ‘prominent’.) But that’s what the Advent season is for, is it not – to try new boozes. What’s that? This season has other connotations? Huh. I should look into that.
There’s a new book out about one of these old tattoo guys. Titled Secret Historian: The Life and Times of Samuel Steward, Professor, Tattoo Artist, and Sexual Renegade, we have it in the library, even though some of the photographs inside are pretty raunchy. My friend Mrs. Rabbit checked it out – she had read The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks and was on kind of a nonfiction kick. Her allergies were giving her hell and her nose was stopped up, so it was up to me to tell her that the book, even though it was brand-spankin new, reeked of cigarette smoke.
This drink, though, probably smells quite nice. And it’s so seasonal! I don’t know what’s come over me.
1 ½ parts Sailor Jerry Rum
2 ½ parts apple juice
½ part fresh lime juice
Shake all but ginger ale and strain over fresh ice in a rocks glass. Top with ginger ale and garnish with an apple slice and cinnamon stick.
I cannot take credit for this idea. I stole it from a librarian a few years back. Paula. The rest is hers:
This idea was suggested by my friend Chris’s little girl, Wendy Darling (she is surrounded by feral boys, including my two boys, so she is Wendy Darling).
Chris was setting up the Advent calendars she’d bought for her three kids, milk chocolate-stocked jobbies from Trader Joe’s (um, the calendars, not the kids), when sweet Wendy asked, “But Mom, where’s your Advent calendar?” Chris replied that she wasn’t really interested in grainy milk chocolate tablets in the shape of snowmen and whatevers, and so she didn’t need an Advent calendar.
But Wendy still wanted her mother to share this aspect of the season. She said, “Well you could have a grownup version.”
Chris put on the thinking face. “What would a grownup Advent calendar be like, do you think?”
“Well instead of chocolate, your Advent calendar could have different kinds of liquor in it!” And Chris’s face turned from the thinking face to the “that’s just great, my kid thinks all I do is drink” face. Which morphed into the “wonder what she tells the teacher about us” face.
Chris is still doing better than I am – I forgot about Advent calendars entirely, and now it turns out they make LEGO ones. My seven-year-old was outraged. “Why don’t we have an Advil calendar?!”
And given my traditional Scroogey humbugginess, “Advil calendar” struck my fancy. Wouldn’t you like an Advil calendar, filled with booze? I know I would.
So here is what you do.
Find a printer’s type drawer, one with at least 24 little sections. You could paint it all Christmasy, or decoupage liquor labels to it. There could be glitter.
Tack pieces of twine across the width of the drawer. You want the twine to make little guardrails so things don’t fall out of the drawer sections. You can use twine in a festive color if you want.
Go to the liquor store and buy 24 miniatures. Mission Liquors online has a good selection. Take this opportunity to sample oddities and premium brands, not the kind of things you tend to have around for your average laundry day binge.
Put the minis in the drawer sections. Drink one a day, using the recipes below, until it’s Christmas Day or you are admitted to a 28-day program, whichever comes first.
Now obviously, we are starting late. Unlike with most prescriptions, you are free to double up (or even triple up) your daily doses until you’re on today’s date. Or stick with the one a day plan, and let Advent stretch well past the 25th. (My 365-day calendar is going to take a bit more work)
Here we go!
Saturday, December 1: Absolut Citron 80 Proof
Let’s start this project on a festive note, with the Champagne Cosmo:
1 Part ABSOLUT CITRON
1 Part Cranberry Juice
Add ABSOLUT Citron and cranberry juice into a champagne glass. Top up with champagne.
We introduced my mom, who is not much of a drinker, to the Cosmopolitan on the weekend she and my dad were in New York City for Bob and my wedding. We took them to dinner at the Boathouse in Central Park to celebrate the fact that they’d both retired that year. Bob had a Manhattan, I had my Negroni and my brother had a Cosmo, which Mom sampled and really liked. Later, when her colleagues took her out for the same reason, she decided that for once in her life she was going to stray from the gin & tonic path and order that pretty pink thing she’d had in New York.
Reaching for the name, the word she came up with was “Continental.” Close, but a totally different – totally gross – cocktail. And now she’ll never try ordering anything different again. So it is incumbent upon me to mix her drinks whenever I get the chance.
Sunday, December 2: Cabana Cachaca Brazilian Rum
On the second day of xmas we try to stay classy with the Pearl Button. My god this looks good!
8 to 10 ice cubes
1/4 cup (2 ounces) cachaca
4 1/2 teaspoons (3/4 ounce) Lillet Blanc
1 tablespoon (1/2 ounce) freshly squeezed lime juice
1/2 cup (4 ounces) San Pellegrino Limonata
1/2 grapefruit wheel
Fill 10-ounce Collins or highball glass with ice. Add cachaca, Lillet Blanc, and lime juice. Top with San Pellegrino Limonata and stir briefly. Place 1/2 grapefruit wheel in drink and serve immediately.
Monday December 3: St Germain Elderflower Liqueur
I only watch broacast TV one night a year. Unless it’s an Olympic year. Also, sometimes we watch Saturday Night Live. We don’t have cable, so I’m not missing much. We borrow Weeds and Dexter and True Blood and Glee from the library so that we’re not too culturally illiterate. So anyway, I watch the Oscars every year. Yes, I do. Don’t judge. You watch real estate shows, for pete’s sake! God.
Last year, I invented a slightly bitter, gorgeous cocktail to go with my night of glamour. I was channeling Glenn Close, I think (nominated 5 times, won zero). I called it the Nightmare in Pink, after one of John D. MacDonald’s pulpy, noirish Travis McGee novels. They all had titles with colors in them, which I thought was really neat when I was in junior high and my dad would bring them home after reading them on long plane trips.
1 ½ part Gin
¾ part St-Germain
Shake all ingredients with ice and fine strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a curl of orange peel.
There’s a green version, called The Gypsy, which I didn’t make up. It’s also a little bitter, though less gorgeous. I would drink that watching the Grammys – nominated for seven Grammy awards, Stevie Nicks hasn’t won one since Rumours was Best Album in 1977.
1½ parts Gin
¾ part St-Germain
½ part Green Chartreuse
½ part Freshly Squeezed Lime Juice
Shake all ingredients with ice and fine strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a thinly sliced lime wheel.
Tuesday, December 4: Stolichnaya Elit Ultra Luxury Russian Vodka
“I think I’ll call it a Vesper.”
“Because of the bitter aftertaste?”
“No, because once you’ve tasted it, that’s all you want to drink.”
Pretend you’re not way behind on your Christmas shopping, slot Casino Royale into the DVD player, and drink this. It’s the last chance you’ll get to have a quiet, inebriated night to yourself before all holiday hell breaks loose.
1 part Stoli®
3 parts gin
1/2 part Lillet Blanc
Shake with ice and strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with an orange twist.
Wednesday, December 5: Canton Ginger & Cognac Liqueur
I believe in this variation of a Dark & Stormy, with the ginger liqueur in addition to the ginger beer (Reed’s is good, Barritts is better).
Darker and Stormier
1oz Domaine de Canton
1oz Flor de Cana Black Label Rum (or another dark aged rum)
splash of fresh lime juice
Fill a collins or high-ball glass with ice. Fill 1/2 of the way with ginger beer. Add Domaine de Canton, rum and fresh lime juice. Garnish with a lime.
Thursday, December 6: Cabana Boy Wild Cherry Rum
What you don’t know (maybe you do) is that Your Neighborhood Librarian goes out and whoops it up with her girlfriends Monday nights. Well. Your Neighborhood Librarian sits around with her girlfriends and bitches about her kids on Monday nights. So that’s why Monday on the Advil calendar stands for shots and Scotch, and today, something called Cabana Boy Something Something.
Wow. Ok. I just looked at this one a little more closely. We’re not going to drink this.
Instead… find a miniature of Cold River American Potato Vodka (it’s gluten free!) and celebrate Hanukkah, drinkie style! Jews! You know I love ‘em!
Hanukkah Gelt Martini
2 parts potato vodka
1 part Goldschlager
Combine in a shaker with ice, mix gently and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
Friday, December 7: Buffalo Trace Bourbon
Ok there is NO reason to mix this very fine Bourbon with ANYTHING, but I am going to take this opportunity to throw in an eggnog recipe. It’s December 7, you should have been drinking eggnog for a week or so now.
Over the years, my father, and later I, have been known to make eggnog from scratch for fancy occasions. We used our extremely classy neighbor’s recipe. About as old as Jesus since the day I was born, Thelma had reportedly been a D.C. debutante as a girl and a famous beauty. She was definitely a very refined cook – made sugar cookies so thin you could read the newspaper through them. So we were very pious about her eggnog recipe.
One year my dad couldn’t find Thelma’s recipe. Darnit. So he used the one in Joy of Cooking. Guess what? It was exactly the same recipe. Either Irma Rombauer had ripped off Lady Thelma, or Thelma had been passing off the Joy recipe as her own for decades!
1 liter Maker’s Mark bourbon
1 quart milk
1 quart heavy cream
2 dozen eggs
1 1/2 cups sugar
Separate eggs and beat yolks until creamy. Whip sugar into yolks. Beat whites until they stand in peaks, adding 1/2 cup additional sugar, if desired. Beat yolks and bourbon together. Add whites, beat cream. And add cream and milk to mixture. Add nutmeg to taste and garnish each cup with nutmeg.
Stay tuned – Week 2 is coming tomorrow!
from the NY Times, Pagan Kennedy (no, not a typo)
“The first line of my obituary is going to mention the smiley face,” says Scott Fahlman, who would rather be remembered for his research into artificial intelligence. But like it or not, Fahlman has become famous for three keystrokes. In 1982, as a young professor at Carnegie Mellon University, he realized the need for a symbol to temper the bickering that plagued online forums. The Internet was just a baby then, and yet already flame wars raged. Fahlman decided that a smiley face could be useful as a “joke marker” (as he called it) to take the sting out of mocking statements or pranks. And so he hunted around the keyboard for a way to make the face. “But what do you use for eyes?” he wondered. Once he found the colon, the rest was easy. He dashed his suggestion off to friends. “I didn’t even proofread the message,” he says.
The emoticon — perhaps one of the first online memes — spread to other campuses, hitching a ride in e-mails. And as the Web expanded in the ’90s, so, too, did the colon-hyphen-parenthesis. “Wherever the Internet went, the smiley face was there within weeks,” Fahlman says. The symbol has endured because it’s a quick way to soothe hurt feelings or express joy. But Fahlman still hears complaints that it is a hallmark of lazy writing. His critics tend to raise questions like “Would Shakespeare have used a smiley face?” Yes, Fahlman says, if Shakespeare were around today, thumb-tapping a screed “about parking at the Globe Theater, he might say something intemperate. And then he might think twice about it and want to use an emoticon.”
Tyler Schnoebelen, who has a Ph.D. in linguistics, analyzed millions of Twitter messages to understand how people use emoticons.
You found that about 10 percent of the tweets in your sample had emoticons in them. Why so many?
In a full paragraph, you might be able to express how you’re feeling. But it becomes harder in a tweet, where you only have a few words.
What is the difference between people who use and people who use ?
The people who use follow a younger set of celebrities. They swear more, and they use spellings like “sooooo” and “loooove.”
What about ? Is it a flirt?
Yes, we can assume that. It tends to appear near words like “horny,” “attractive,” “hot” and “dirty.” It doesn’t occur near words like “pleasant” or “irritated.” The world of is sexy.
Do you use emoticons?
Actually, yes, I’ve become a connoisseur of them. I love the :))) — it’s like saying “I’m soooooooo happy.” But I don’t personally use that emoticon, because to me it looks like someone with multiple chins. And over the last year, I’ve been using the a lot.
So now that you’ve finished this research on the emoticon, you’re ;)-ing a lot?
Yes, now I do more flirting.
THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE?
Western-style emoticons often read from left to right, as “sideways faces.” Japanese thumb-typists, meanwhile, have invented their own system.
Bowing down in apology